Ready to jump into practice? Go directly to the exercise.

In case you’re not already a fan of this pleasure, there are lots of good reasons to introduce people that you know to each other:

• When they have something in common—or can help each other—introducing two people is a good deed that keeps you on both of their radars.
• Being a connector of people builds opportunities for everyone (and just think of all the good karma you’re collecting! ☺️)
• We all need more community, and introducing people is a way to help build it.

When I was growing up, there were a lot of rules around introducing people. (This was before people could easily introduce themselves online. 😉)

Today, introductions are more casual. But there’s still a lot to be said for being able to graciously and confidently introduce two people to each other—at networking or social events, or even at work.

The Good Old Days of Introducing People

Two hundred years ago, the custom was to present (introduce) a lower status person to the higher status person. (“Queen Elizabeth, may I present my friend Joe Shmoe?”) The implication was that the higher status person (in this case, Queen Elizabeth) was doing a gracious favor by acknowledging someone from the unwashed masses.

More recently—when I was growing up—people had higher status if they were older, wealthier, more established in business, or male. But male/female introductions were the exception to the high-status rule: men were introduced to women as a gesture of chivalry (i.e., let’s all pretend that the woman has superior status).

I hadn’t thought about this outdated code in ages, and my first thought on remembering it was, “Thank goodness we got rid of all that stuff!”

But then I realized that we haven’t totally gotten rid of it.

Does Status Still Count When Making Introductions?

Imagine that you’re at work and your partner (or spouse or main squeeze; let’s call them Avery) comes by to pick you up for lunch. As you’re leaving the building, you run into your company’s president (let’s call them Morgan) on the elevator.

Do you say,

“Morgan, I’d like you to meet my partner Avery.”

Or do you say,

“Avery, this is Morgan, the president of my company.”

The first one sounds more “right” to me, but that might just be an artifact of my status-conscious upbringing. If the two phrases sound equally appropriate to you, you can forget about the status thing and just learn a few all-purpose introduction phrases, like the two above.

And don’t forget to signify who these people are with words like “partner” and “president of my company.”

Kicking Off a New Relationship

The made-up meeting between Avery and Morgan is likely a one-off. That’s because—unless your office is very small and your partner drops by very often—they probably won’t meet again until the Christmas party.

But often, we introduce people in the hope that they’ll launch a separate relationship, independent of us.

In that case—when you want to encourage people to get to know each other—tell them why. For example, you might say:

Barry, I’d like you to meet my friend Jasper. I’ve known him for years, but he’s just moving back to New York after getting a masters in history. Jasper, Barry is my friend who works at the Department of Ed. He can tell you about substitute teaching.

(And yes, without thinking, I gave Barry the “higher status” position because he has information that Jasper wants.)

Or:

Sally and Mina, I’ve mentioned each of you to the other. You’re both big travelers—Sally just went to Tanzania, and Mina is going to Brazil next month—and I always thought you’d have a lot to talk about.

At this point, either Mina or Sally is probably going to ask the other about their trips…and in about two minutes, I’ll be able to slip away to refill my glass, meet some new people myself, or go play introvert by hiding in the bathroom. 🤩

OK, Let’s Practice!

With an open-ended scenario like making introductions, you can’t practice ahead of time for every situation. But verbalizing the types of things you might want to say will boost your comfort level and give you some ideas to start with.