Here’s how to make your participation “Just Right”!
If you’ve heard the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, you know that when our girl invaded the bears’ home, her goal was to appropriate the “just right” bed. And chair. And bowl of porridge.
She found (and took) all of these things. But if Goldilocks had been looking for a “just right” meeting, she would have had to look for a long time.
Why?
There’s Plenty of Blame to Go Around
Meeting leaders often show up without a clear agenda or a clear idea of how to keep participants on track.
But participants can also be to blame, when they:
- Dominate (talk too much), or
- Don’t contribute (talk too little).
If you’re in either of those camps—and you know who you are!—here are some tips for making your participation just right.
If your public speaking is “too big”…
1. Wait to see if others make your point first. (If they’ve said it, you don’t have to!)
2. Divide the meeting length by the number of people present. If 10 people are at a 40-minute meeting, your share of talk time is 4 minutes.
And yes, human interactions aren’t that symmetrical. But doing this math will help you realize that, if you’ve already talked for, let’s say, 15 minutes out of 40, that’s probably enough!)
3. Play a role. People play lots of informal roles in meetings; for example, by:
- Checking the facts,
- Synthesizing different opinions
- Reminding everyone of goals and priorities, or
- Summarizing the discussion.
If you pick one of these roles and confine yourself to just playing it (instead of trying to weigh in on every single topic), you’ll probably speak less, because there is no role that involves “saying everything that comes into your head!” 😇
If your public speaking is “too little”…
These tips are very similar to the ones I gave your more talkative colleagues. But there’s an extra step that you may have to perform, which is talking yourself into talking.
When someone doesn’t speak up in meetings, it’s rarely because they have nothing to say. Usually, people are quite clear about what they could say; they just don’t say it because a nasty (or sneaky) little voice in their heads is telling them not to.
Overcoming that voice can be a big job. So start slow (can you make one comment at every meeting you attend?) and gradually say a little more in every meeting.
As you’re creating the habit of speaking up, these tips may help:
1. Ask yourself: Has anyone else made the point you’re thinking of? If not, you’re the best person to make it!
2. Divide the meeting length by the number of people present. If you’re not using your “fair share” of talk time, you’re actually depriving people of valuable input. (And if you just thought, “My input isn’t that valuable,” read more about your nasty little voice.)
3. Try on one of the roles listed above. Some people find it easier to speak up when they’re performing a function that benefits the whole group rather than “just” stating their own opinions. But once you’ve formed the habit of speaking up, expand your comments to include what you think.
Make it “just right”
When you think in terms of the contribution you want to make—and when you’ve practiced balancing your needs against what the group or meeting needs—you won’t have much trouble figuring out what “just right” is.
But if you find yourself acting like Goldilocks (grabbing the talking space you want without measuring the cost to others), take a mental step back and remember:
Goldilocks never saw the Three Bears again.
You have to face your colleagues every day!
