I recently started using the Mind Over Mood workbook, by cognitive therapists Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky, to explore the connection between thoughts and emotions.
This is very relevant to fear of public speaking — and to see how, just consider the difference between these two “messages” (thoughts):
- “I made a mistake; I’m a total failure. What’s the use of even trying?”
- “I made a mistake, and learned something that will improve my performance next time.”
What happens when you think each of these thoughts?
a workbook for conquering negative thoughts
In the first case, your mood will drop, your energy will drop, your self-esteem will drop… it’s downward spiral time.
But the second thought might actually raise your energy, your mood and your self-esteem, because you’ve put a potentially negative experience into a positive and powerful context.
Fear of Public Speaking Works the Same Way
This same mind-body connection is apparent for people who are afraid of public speaking — which basically means all of us!
Let’s start by agreeing on something obvious:
Almost any rational, sane human being will feel at least a passing twinge of fear before opening their mouth in front of an audience.
After all, public speaking puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position! You don’t have to have flopped in the second grade play to understand that things can get dicey fast, when you stand up to talk to a group of people. What if they disagree with you? Or laugh at you? Or ignore you?
What if you aren’t able to perform in a way that brings honor and pride to you, your cause, your family, your race, your boss, your colleagues, your ideas, [your own fear here]???
Anybody would feel some fear in that situation. But how much fear you feel, and how it effects you, depends in large part on the thoughts you have about it.
Your Thoughts Amplify or Diminish Fear
Consider the difference between these two messages (thoughts):
- “I’m nervous about this speech. That proves I totally suck, have no idea what I’m talking about, and am about to bomb.”
- “I’m nervous about this speech. That proves I care about my topic, respect my audience, and want to do well.”
The first thought gets you halfway to a panic attack. The second thought will help get you to the stage.
“I’m Nervous Because I Care”
I know that this positive message works to combat fear (and if you’re not a Do-Gooder, just substitute words like “…because I am conscientious,” or “…because I want to hit it out of the park” for “…because I care.”).
I know, because this is what I tell myself during those extremely unpleasant pre-speech moments when I “suddenly realize” that I am incompetent, unprepared, and about to make a total fool of myself.
(This has never happened yet, but reality has no impact on those private little beliefs of ours!)
Reminding myself that nervousness is natural — and that nerves reflect my high level of commitment — always helps me hold on until the speech has started, and I’m having fun.
(And if you’re not having fun yet; no worries. That doesn’t mean you’re no good, either; I can help you learn to relax and enjoy communicating your ideas in public.)
If, on the other hand, at that vulnerable moment, you focus on a negative message, you might find yourself on the downward spiral that’s shown in this illustration from Mind Over Mood:
diagram from Mind Over Mood
Do Practice This at Home
Like so many things about public speaking, the beauty of “mind over mood” is that you can practice the skill anytime, anyplace.
When a negative thought pops into your mind, practice taking a different point of view. (Instead of, “I screwed that up, I’m obviously no good at it,” practice thinking something like, “Oops. Didn’t do that perfectly!” and practice smiling while you think it.)
If your fear shows up as a physical symptom, practice describing it neutrally. (“Oh, wow. I’m loosing sensation in my arms. I guess I’m nervous about this speech!” and practice smiling while you think it.)
You get it. Make this stuff a game.
Fear of the month. Nervous tick of the week. Crazy thought of the day. Favorite physical symptom.
As far as I can tell (after eighteen years of jazz singing, three years of stand-up corporate training, 10 years of pitching ideas to clients, and my current keynote speaking career), feelings of fear don’t totally go away.
So it’s good that they don’t mean anything — except that you want to do your best!
Pingback: How to Manage Fear of Public Speaking : StressPage.com